Personal Power and Emotions

After 20 years in education, children continue to surprise and inspire awe in me. It is impossible to look upon that 3 year old, blond, curly-haired child as she points her finger and waves her hand excitedly at the bigger-than-life size banner in the mall as laughter just rumbles up from inside of her and not allow a smile to crack my lips. It is not her excitedness that makes me smile, though; it is the natural expression of emotion, any emotion, with no apology, shame or even thought.

Emotion is natural--where the soul and the physical body connect and create memory.  Children experience emotion. It comes and goes with such ease, until of course, the well-meaning adult begins to coach the child into controlling and denying emotion.

• Now stop crying.  It didn't hurt that much.  (How do you know?)
• Don't hit me! I don't care if you are angry. (Is there a better way to express it?)
• So that kid won't play with you. Just ignore him. (Ignore the child or the feeling?)
• Don't celebrate yet, you still have to finish. (You don't celebrate standing, then walking, then running?)

Whether it is the child in front of you or the child inside you, take a moment to appreciate what is being felt. I have learned some of the most important lessons about emotion from the children around me.

If it is flowing, I am animated and healthy. 

  (Think about it.  Constipation is an unhealthy situation for the body.  It is unable 

to evacuate potentially harmful matter resulting in varying degrees of discomfort.) 

When I accept my emotion, I am living in the moment. 

(I feel like crying,  crying is for babies, but I am so angry, oh no, anger is 

dangerous... How long have I been wasting on this conversation?) 

It is common knowledge that e-motion is energy in motion. Emotional intelligence as described by Daniel Goleman  and the 6 Pillars of Self-esteem by Nathaniel Brandon are linked directly to our physical body as described in The Anatomy of the Spirit by Caroline Myss.

My emotions are my own.  

They are part of my Personal Power tool kit.

At some point in our lives we give away this power.  We become convinced that others cause emotions in us.  This personal power, authenticity and accountability, are masked by fear.  Adults, society, culture all contribute to the loss of Personal Power, but make no mistake, there is no fault or blame.  It is a defence mechanism that has allowed us to  remain unaccountable.

I accept and embrace my emotions.

What is your highest hope for your child? Happiness? Allow your child to embrace emotion, to feel it live it, understand it.  Give your child a safe place to express everything he feels. Act as a guide, providing vocabulary and narrating when your child is a toddler.  As the child grows, listen openly to the feelings described as arguments between friends, jealousy and sadness become more complex.  Help them to understand where the emotion comes from without negating it or dismissing it.  And when your teenager begins to experience new kinds of emotions, if you are the sounding post remember that your teenager is redefining himself, becoming his own person, and the best way to learn who you are is being allowed to explore who you think you are without judgement.

An essential tip: When we feel emotions, especially ones we have been taught to avoid, name it, accept it as part of your experience and BREATHE through it.  Breathe moves just as emotion.  Picture the emotion flowing through you on your breathe and out as you exhale.